“I am a ticked off grandmother from Kentucky.
“The only reason I went through Virginia on my way to the Houston art-car parade from Kentucky is because I’ve been being harassed lately in Virginia, and I had to go to court in Fairfax on the sixth because of a $30, no-points harassment ticket I got in my award-winning art van.
“I always go to court. I love parking these things in front of courthouses. Golly, you know what? I live in the middle of nowhere in Kentucky: Edmonton. Unless I had an excuse to make a road trip no one sees them. And I love driving these things down the road. It’s so much fun.
“I started Liberty Van in 2005 when I got ticked off about yet another smoking ban. I took fluorescent poster paint to what at the time was my new, $35,000, dog show vehicle — I raise Afghan show dogs, and these are my dog-show vans [coughs]. It was the Chicago smoking ban. I was on my way up to a dog show in Wheaton, Ill. So anyway, I stopped on the Illinois state line on the way to the dog show and painted a foot high across the back: “Smokers not wanted in Chicago. Boycott Illinois.” I had so much fun. … So I started putting on pieces of cut-out funky foam and glitter. Now I use felt and velvet and bells and Christmas lights — you should see this thing all lit up at night.
“You know, a lot of us smokers are fed up. And we’ve decided that since we can’t vote in your ballot box and kick the communists out of your statehouse — we’re voting with our dollars. We don’t have to wait for Election Day and we can do it every day.
“I know you have a statewide smoking ban in Virginia and that’s why I don’t spend any money in Virginia anymore. I don’t do restaurants in Virginia anymore. I bring all my own food. Did you know nobody needs a restaurant? I pay for a restaurant because I want to sit on my tush and relax and be waited on like everybody else. That does not include being forced to quit smoking.
“I’m getting carried away on you. I’m sure this is a lot more than you wanted to know. But basically, I don’t know if you can see it above the windshield, but it says, “militant capitalist smoker.” That is me.”
