1. Mr. T in Your Pocket Talking Keychain
The best-selling pocket device that blurts out pre-recorded phrases from Mr. T like “Quit your jibba jabba!” and the old holiday favorite, “Shut up, fool!” The sassy little orange toy has inspired new versions, including a “Dirty Dancing” Talking Keychain (which says “Butt-out, Baby!” and “No one puts Baby in a corner!”) as well as the high-brow British humor of the Monty Python keychain (“He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy”). Buy them soon though, before store employees go insane.

2. Bike Glowbrightz
Do your part to prevent the coming apocalyptic war between local bikers and car drivers by giving the biker in your life a new way to wrap his or her ride in gaudy, blinking color. Safety doesn’t have to be boring. This can also be used for the next level: pimped-out baby strollers.

3. Fist-Bump Explosion Ring
Impress family and friends on your next fist bump by startling them with a nerdy, prankster explosion. Note: Avoid fist bumping the elderly and frail, those with heart conditions or anyone who drank too much eggnog.

4. Ew Hand Sanitizer
Finally, a hand sanitizer that says what you’re thinking.

5. Tongue Tattoos
Weird thing is, these press-on tattoos for your tongue taste pretty good. A single teardrop means you’ve either known someone who was tongued to death or tongued someone to death yourself. We aren’t sure.

6. Sip and Swirl Glasses
Kids have loved funky, swirly straws that channel fluids around their faces since time immemorial. Sure to annoy for minutes if not hours.

7. Teething Jewelry
For the new mother in your life, rubber pearls that teething babies can suckle freely, even in very public places.

8. Jesus LED Keychain
Big things come in little packages. This little Jesus keychain sheds a super-strong light — perfect for those late nights after the holiday party or Midnight mass, when you can’t seem to get your keys in the front door and starving raccoons are circling.