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Since when did teens become interested in porn? 

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Like the rest of you I was shocked — stunned — to hear that Henrico teens were using their school-issued laptop computers to download pornographic pictures and movies. "Sex acts that would make a sailor blush" is the way one school's employee quoted in the daily newspaper described the kinds of images kids were accessing.

Teens — and porn? Really, who could have seen that coming?

As I remember from my own adolescence, which was filled with nothing but hayrides and group bowling and hanging out with Richie and Potsie, teen-age boys — and especially girls! — just wouldn't do something like that. I can't imagine that teen-age boys have changed all that much since the 1980s. As I recall, their interests ranked something like this:

Woodworking.
Kittens (and the whole baby-animal genre).
Crafts (e.g. boats in bottles, toothpick sculptures of the Eiffel Tower).
Kite-flying.
Cleaning bedrooms.
Trigonometry.
Spending tremendous amounts of time in the bathroom.
Blowing stuff up.
Sex acts that would make a sailor blush.
Senseless vandalism.

As you can see, bootylicious girl-on-girl action simply isn't a priority for most red-blooded teen-age boys. Ditto for girls, whose interests I remember usually are something like this:

Journaling.
Acting out "Grease" with friends.
Visiting shut-ins.
Rereading "Little Women."
Having a good cry.
Volunteer babysitting.
Teasing the fat girl mercilessly.
Obsessing about weight.
Sex acts that would make a sailor blush.
Scheming and manipulating.

So you really can't blame Henrico County school officials for being blindsided by this one. How could anyone have anticipated that giving a teen-ager unlimited 24/7 access to a state-of-the-art computer he could take into the bathroom would lead to … this?

But there is some good news. It seems this is the work of just a tiny handful, a mere smattering of teen-age deviant horn toads. Despite the fact that about a half-dozen students at each Henrico high school have been suspended and that porn was found on a randomly selected laptop and that teachers know it continues to go on, Henrico Schools Superintendent Mark Edwards assured us all in a quote in the Times-Dispatch that "98 or 99 percent are responsible in their use" of the computers.

What a relief!

But has anyone thought of the other sinister possibilities? Now, I don't mean to make trouble for the clearly exonerated 98 or 99 percent of Henrico students, but it suddenly occurs to me that if one or two misguided sicko teens might peek at porn, might there be other abuses lurking? Is it possible some students might be — and I hate to even bring this up — playing solitaire during class? Or sending chain e-mails? Or jokes?

(Hey, did you get the one about the guy driving along the road and he sees a sign that reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION, 50 MILES …)

Well, anyway, I'm sure the 98 or 99 percent of pure and saintly students would never do such a thing, but there's this hilarious picture of Osama bin Laden with turban off where his head looks like a penis...

But I digress. Surely, teen-agers wouldn't be interested in anything like
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