satire: Spamerang 

Mrs. Wasbury joins the Internet.

Subject: Re: Welcome!

Date: Mon, 2 Sept 2002 17:42:00

From: Jane Wasbury

To: Director of the Internet

Dear Sir or Madam,

Gosh, thanks! It is so nice to see the "real people" behind this whole Internet thing. Unlike the rest of my family, I was a little apprehensive about getting on the line. My son, Josh, was doing his surfing, as he calls it, at age 10. Since he turned 12, he's been spending more time than ever surfing. He says it's very useful for such things as homework. He thinks I'm so old-fashioned. Anyway, I figured I'd take the plunge. My husband has promised to help, too. Thank you for writing. Well, I've got to go make dinner. See you on the line!

Jane Wasbury

Subject: Re: Re: Welcome!

Date: Mon, 2 Sept 2002 23:57:00

From: Director of the Internet

To: Jane Wasbury

Hi. This is Joe Blankenship. I'm a programmer here. And I'm not sure what happened, but there was some glitch and you weren't supposed to be able to hit reply to that e-mail. I'm not really supposed to be talking to you or anything. I mean, that message goes out to everybody who joins, you know. A welcome. OK. Well, just wanted to let you know. Gotta get back to work. Oh yeah, it's "online," not "on the line." Bye.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Welcome!

Date: Tue, 3 Sept 2002 08:15:00

From: Jane Wasbury

To: Director of the Internet

Dear Mr. Blankenship,

How kind of you to get back with me. What does a programmer do at the Internet anyway? I think it must be a fascinating job. I guess you're part of a select group of people!

I have an offer for you. It just so happens that I am the Career Day Chairwoman for our little PTA group here at Josh's school. We would be so thrilled if you or one of your fellow programmers could come to the GHS Career Fair 2002. Unfortunately, I couldn't offer you a stipend, but we sell some pretty tasty barbecue, if I do say so myself (my husband and I volunteer with the food and drink committee), and of course your lunch would be complimentary. Please let me know right away. My time is limited. This is coming up next weekend.

Yours truly, Mrs. Wasbury

Subject: Thanks anyway.

Date: Tue, 3 Sept 2002 15:08:10

From: Joe Blankenship

To: Jane Wasbury

Mrs. Wasbury,

Joe again here. I don't think you understand. I'm not anywhere near you. I work on the West Coast. Every time you send me an e-mail it costs us money — you know, the server time, and my time. It really distracts from my work. I am sorry I can't be at your career fair or whatever. Thanks for asking. Maybe you could check with someone close to your town. And if you don't mind, please do not send any more e-mails to my work address. I can get in trouble.

Thanks, Joe Blankenship.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Welcome!

Date: Tue, 3 Sept 2002 08:15:00

From: Jane Wasbury

To: Director of the Internet

Dear Joe,

Oh my. I hope I haven't caused any trouble at your job. You seem like such a nice man. You know, Joe, going on the line has been such a wonderful experience for me. I feel so "21st century" and I've found so many fantastic recipes! I don't think my figure can handle them all! LOL : ) Well I'm sorry you won't be able to make it to GHS Career Fair 2002. Maybe you can send this e-mail around to 20 of your programmer friends. We might get lucky! By the way, I just found the cutest Web site, Shout-Outs.com. Have you ever been there? You can actually send cards to people through the World Wide Internet. And it's free! I'll sign you up. Well, back to the grind. See you on the line!

Always, Jane

Subject: Last e-mail

Date: Wed, 4 Sept 2002 10:30:22

From: Joe Blankenship

To: Jane Wasbury

Listen, Jane. I'm not sending your e-mail to anybody, much less my friends. And I really meant it when I asked you not to send me any more e-mail. Yes, I've heard of Shout-Outs.com. I got a message from them yesterday telling me I'm subscribed to their site. Then they sent me a newsletter and a credit-card offer. Thanks a lot. Please, just leave me alone, OK? And stop saying "on the line." It's O-N-L-I-N-E.

Subject: Re: Last e-mail

Date: Thur, 4 Sept 2002 10:23:00

From: Jane Wasbury

To: Joe Blankenship

Dear Joe,

My goodness! I'm so sorry about this whole thing. I hope you got my apology card from Shout-Outs.com. You know, there's no reason to be rude though. I'm still a person on the other end of this computer. ; ) How about I make things right? Josh is selling frozen pizzas for his Boy Scout troop. They're really quite good. I would like to offer you half price on any kind you want. What's your credit-card number?

Sincerely yours,

Mrs. Wasbury


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