After a night of dealing with some patrons, you just need to blow off some steam. Culled from the Twitter feed of the anonymous MadRVABartender:
A double Grey-Goose Redbull? Enjoy your $20 drink. Dumbass.
You're spitting dip in a cup and you can't figure out why "The girls in here all is stuck up." Better luck tomorrow night, Romeo.
"What's the cheapest thing in here?" — customer. "You. Clearly."
Just had a customer ask me to surprise him with a sandwich. I want to wait till he's not looking and throw a BLT directly into his face.
Customer orders a shot and a beer then sits down and fills out his court-appointed AA paperwork ... My new hero.
If someone says fucking Sunday funday one more time I'm gonna lose my shit.
Wait, what?! You want a free shot because I used to work with your brother? I should kick you out just for being related to that douche.
What about Tuesday night makes you want to do insane amounts of cocaine?
I don't come to your work and flip burgers, so please don't flip my tins. Everyone can do that, it's not cool.
"How did you become a bartender?" … I see where this is going, and I'll tell you right now your dumb ass has no chance of bartending in RVA.