How to Live It Up at a Gay Bar 

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Forget your worries, troubles, and those orthopedic shoes. With Miss Magnolia Jackson Pickett Burnside's Three B's to Busting Out, you too will have one magical night in Oz, Dorothy. Life is always more beautiful over the rainbow.

1. Boobs. This may sound counterintuitive, but ladies, make sure your boobs are out and proud. Gay men love cleavage.

2. Bling. You better be serving up your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent like your life depends on it. Wear all the sparkly baubles you got. When straight people say, "That's too much," queens say, "You're almost there, girl."

3. Booze. If you think your Uncle Buck who makes corn whiskey can drink you under the table, you ain't never gone up against a 7-foot drag queen "hiding her candy." Wink, wink. Remember, gays work out 23 hours a day. Their metabolism was designed to turn Fresca into fabulous.

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