Style Weekly
Richmond's alternative for news, arts, culture and opinion
Bad Tastes
by Brandon Fox
1. The blackening of defenseless fish, chicken and beef must stop. I think Emeril smacked it off his show five years ago, and it's time to smack it off menus here, too.
2. The lack of reservations at restaurants that wish to maintain a more "casual" image. Free snacks do not appease me when I know a killer plate of clams and red sauce awaits me, if only I could delay my gratification an hour or so longer. I despair of loving you from afar because I'm too hungry to love you in person. And I really do love you.
3. Mind-reading hobbyists among the wait-staff. I know I disguise my desire for the check even from myself, but trust me -- the words "May I please have the check?" are a much better indicator of my desire to leave than your desire to turn my table.
4. Smoke gets into my eyes and then into my lungs. I don't care what the knee-jerk, old-school Republican legislators think about banning smoking. I'll come more often if you go ahead and ban it from your establishment all by yourself.
5. Kill the TV.
6. Chardonnay or sauvignon blanc by the glass. I'm just guessing, but I think there may be other options.
7. Crab — in any form. I know, I know — it's one of my very favorite things too, but maybe we need to get proactive from the end-user point of view and stop eating every single crab in sight until there aren't any more left to eat. The crabbers in the Chesapeake Bay just can't seem to get a handle on the life cycle of a crab (re: you need mama crabs to have baby crabs and then you need to let them grow up and start the whole process over again). So possibly if we just say no, they'll figure it out. See also: Chilean sea bass, boycott of.
8. Please don't make me beg for bread. Because I will.
9. Spongy pink tomatoes. Why? Why? Why? Are those nice, tasty, sweet, readily available cherry tomatoes too hard to cut?
10. Did I mention the television? Get rid of it. Seriously.
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2. The lack of reservations at restaurants that wish to maintain a more "casual" image. Free snacks do not appease me when I know a killer plate of clams and red sauce awaits me, if only I could delay my gratification an hour or so longer. I despair of loving you from afar because I'm too hungry to love you in person. And I really do love you.
3. Mind-reading hobbyists among the wait-staff. I know I disguise my desire for the check even from myself, but trust me -- the words "May I please have the check?" are a much better indicator of my desire to leave than your desire to turn my table.
4. Smoke gets into my eyes and then into my lungs. I don't care what the knee-jerk, old-school Republican legislators think about banning smoking. I'll come more often if you go ahead and ban it from your establishment all by yourself.
5. Kill the TV.
6. Chardonnay or sauvignon blanc by the glass. I'm just guessing, but I think there may be other options.
7. Crab — in any form. I know, I know — it's one of my very favorite things too, but maybe we need to get proactive from the end-user point of view and stop eating every single crab in sight until there aren't any more left to eat. The crabbers in the Chesapeake Bay just can't seem to get a handle on the life cycle of a crab (re: you need mama crabs to have baby crabs and then you need to let them grow up and start the whole process over again). So possibly if we just say no, they'll figure it out. See also: Chilean sea bass, boycott of.
8. Please don't make me beg for bread. Because I will.
9. Spongy pink tomatoes. Why? Why? Why? Are those nice, tasty, sweet, readily available cherry tomatoes too hard to cut?
10. Did I mention the television? Get rid of it. Seriously.
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