+7 A slew of festivals dominate the weekend, including OystoberFest, Hogtober and Oktoberfest. Which is why we spent Sunday celebrating Naptoberfest.

+2 The weekend also plays host to the Conclave of Richmond Pipe Smokers' 28th annual Pipe and Cigar Smokers' Exposition. Highlights included the crowning of Mr. Craggy Face 2012, the Rockin' Chair Whittling Championships, and Smokin' Hot Singles: Pickup Lines That Work After Your Tracheotomy.

-4 A website hooking up sugar daddies with young women ranks Richmond as the ninth most promiscuous city for men, with a poll showing that 55 percent have had seven or more partners in the last year. The Conclave of Richmond Pipe Smokers strikes again.

-3 On the heels of selling off the Times-Dispatch and most of its newspapers, Richmond-based Media General sells its last paper — The Tampa Tribune — leaving it with only digital and broadcast companies. At least the company won't have a way to print its stock price anymore.

-2 Starbucks runs low on Pumpkin Spice, as discovered by 103.7 The River's Melissa Chase, who finds a store apology sign that reads: "Experiencing shortages throughout the region." It's the worst news she's received since learning the Kardashian sisters decided against filming a spoof of "Gangnam Style."

+3The American Institute for Economic Research declares Richmond as the ninth best midsize city for college students, right behind Raleigh, N.C., and ahead of New Orleans and Virginia Beach. Economists have finally found a use for the Kegger Algorithm.

+6VA PrideFest draws thousands to a Saturday of fellowship and frivolity at Kanawha Plaza, including performer Raven from “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” RVA rainbow stickers and for the first time, liquor. Someone, somewhere, still hasn’t gotten out of bed.

+5The State Fair of Virginia kicks off its run. It was reassuring to see that the new owners kept those magical memories and special traditions alive. Like indigestion.

+2Army veteran, lawyer and first-time political candidate Wayne Powell squares off against House majority leader and incumbent Rep. Eric Cantor in a Virginia Chamber of Commerce debate broadcast on CSPAN-2. Unfortunately it couldn’t approximate working in the U.S. Senate, because cockfighting is illegal.

0Speaking of politics, presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are all up in Virginia voters’ faces, simultaneously campaigning in the state amid a sea of political advertising. The only thing that will make this stop is Nov. 6.

+7 A 36-hour online fundraising competition draws more than $1.2 million for local nonprofits, with first place and an extra $20,000 going to the Commonwealth Public Broadcasting Corp. In gratitude, Ken Burns promises to bore you like he's never done before.

+6 Richmonders hit up a full slate of outdoor weekend events, including St. Benedict Catholic Church's Oktoberfest and the St. James Armenian Church's food festival. The takeaway? Gluttony is this season's "it" deadly sin.

-5 The T-D reports that someone stole an American flag from the Virginia War Memorial during Sunday's early morning hours, between security patrols. Because that someone is a horrible, horrible person.

0 A Washington Post poll shows Tim Kaine leading for the first time against George Allen in the U.S. Senate race, 51 percent to 43 percent among likely voters. Experts say that while it's still too tight to call, the election just may hinge on what happens when the two meet for the annual shuck-off at the Urbanna Oyster Festival.

+2 The release of the iPhone 5 draws enthusiastic fans to scramble to such places as the Apple Store at the Short Pump Town Center. Thank goodness Steve Jobs never had the same impact on the black turtleneck market.

+8 More than 100,000 people stream into Richmond for a rainy but rollicking NASCAR race weekend, which includes presidential candidate Mitt Romney handing out hot dogs to the crowd. So many soggy buns. So, so many.

+3 After voting themselves as having the Best River Town in America, Richmonders celebrate the resulting cover feature in Outside magazine. Hey, it's no surprise we like the river around here. It's the most reliable form of transportation we have.

0 In an effort to boost pedestrian safety on city streets, the Richmond Ambulance Authority unveils a "Crossing Alert" rap video on YouTube. And that's how a rapper for a safer generation was born: The Copacetic Paramedic, no other conclusion, your ego be bruisin' when he gets the rhymes flowin' like a hard-core contusion.

+2 The city's first RVA Startup Weekend brings together entrepreneurs and would-be tycoons for days of brainstorming, team competitions and business building. Free massages were given out to combat profit-counting cramps.

+1 The Lakeside Farmers' Market is ranked No. 2 among the country's midsize markets in the national American's Favorite Farmers' Market Contest. It's the Garfunkle of farmers' markets.

+2 The mayor announces that the Redskins training camp will be located at City Stadium or behind the Science Museum of Virginia, as soon as the city can come up with about $10 million. The financing plan: hop a flight to Vegas, plunk down a grand on Washington in the Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys — and pray.

+3 The University of Richmond says that students arriving this fall will benefit from more than $14 million in improvements made during the summer. It could have been less, but the dining hall faced a spike in the price of engraved crystal goblets.

-4 A new report by Richmond auditor Umesh Dalal finds that only 1 percent of the city's 1,300 minority-owned companies received nearly half of the city's minority-contracting business. The city says it's just part of a new super-minority program to support a minority of minority-owned companies.

0 Virginia first lady Maureen McDonnell picks her first grapes from the Chambourcin grapevines at the Governor's Mansion, destined for wine celebrating the building's bicentennial next year. Each grape will become wine after a thorough ultrasound.

+2 "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" mom Daphne Maxwell Reid is announced as the new host of public television's "Virginia Currents," following long-running host May-Lily Lee. It isn't the first time an actress has tried her hand at news. Just ask Sarah Palin.

+6 With the Labor Day weekend in sight, Richmond heads into the last unofficial week of summer, with vacations ending and kids on their way back to school. In other words, Sweet Frog's about to become a mob scene.

+2 Four Godwin High School graduates — siblings in the Lomaka family of Henrico, the T-D reports — become the first quadruplets to enroll at Virginia Tech. Engineers are already working on a specially designed keg stand.

-3 Clemenza Caserta, who spends part of his time as Stuzzi's executive chef, gets kicked off Gordon Ramsay's "Hell's Kitchen," losing out on being one of the reality show's final four. On the upside, he learned all kinds of new cursing combinations.

+4 After a series of meetings with neighbors, business owners and police, the city takes down longstanding but only recently enforced signs prohibiting late-night parking on West Broad Street. City Hall officials caution that this doesn't mean they've changed their longstanding policy against fun.

+1 The American Civil War Center at Historic Tredegar seeks a city permit, the T-D reports, to hold weekly firing demonstrations of a reproduction 12-pounder Napoleon cannon, loaded with as much as a pound of gunpowder. Aim for Short Pump.

+3 Thousands of college freshmen begin to make Richmond home, surging onto campuses at the University of Richmond, Virginia Union and Virginia Commonwealth University. Special deal: Any freshman who mentions this column will receive 20 percent off VCU football season tickets.

-4 Armed robbers hit two city convenience stores, with the T-D reporting that their getaways are by small motor scooter — possibly a Vespa. Detectives are running DNA on some fake ironic mustaches and lifting prints off PBR cans found at the scene.

-6 The rough summer for restaurants continues with Cellar Door and the Belvidere at Broad announcing closings, joining the growing list of such recent ghosts as the Empress, Becky's and Sensi. After a collective sigh, Richmonders head out for dinner at the newest restaurant they'll forget about in three months.

0 A new political ad for Mitt Romney refers to the Richmond Times-Dispatch as "one of the most respected newspapers in America." It's refreshing to finally see some humor injected into this presidential campaign.

+2 Heavy metal band Gwar apologizes to fans for the initially small size of beer cups offered at its wildly popular Gwar-B-Q. It's the first time the band's apologized for anything since someone accidentally deodorized the Slave Pit.

+6 Ashland catering business Homemades by Suzanne gets a blast of publicity when presidential candidate Mitt Romney visits with his new VP pick, buying up some apple, pecan and chocolate pies. "These pies are certainly homemade," Romney said. "They taste as good as the ones baked by my personal chef."

+1 More Ashland news! Writer and teacher Phyllis Theroux is set to become Jennifer Aniston's mother-in-law, with her son, actor Justin Theroux, announcing his engagement to the actress. Just let it sink in: We've all become a few degrees closer to Brad Pitt.

-4 The failed Chesterfield athletic complex, SportsQuest, continues Chapter 7 bankruptcy liquidation, listing what RichmondBizSense reports as $1,030 in assets to $7.35 million in liabilities. Looks like our bank account after that time we hung out with Justin French at Colonial Downs.

+7 More than two dozen jazz artists draw thousands of music fans to the wide-ranging, three-day Richmond Jazz Festival, presented by Altria. Richmonders like their jazz the way they like their cigarettes, in the company of others and smooooth.

+2 The T-D reports that Richmond lawyer Courtney Paulk successfully completed her 14-hour, 25- to 30-mile swim across the English Channel. No one had the heart to tell her the London Olympics had already ended.

+6 Lamb of God's Randy Blythe finally returns to Richmond after his Czech Republic imprisonment for more than a month. A month. In a Prague prison. So yes, it turns out there is something more agonizing than Ryan Seacrest at the Olympics.

+2 Dusting off an idea from three years ago, a group of political, business and civic leaders resurrect discussion about replacing The Diamond with a new ballpark downtown. Also on the docket: high-speed rail, a proposed Arthur Ashe statue on Monument, and a possible secession from the Union.

+8 The 29th annual Carytown Watermelon Festival draws a reported crowd of more than 115,000 people to the shopping district on a hot Sunday afternoon. Seeds! Oh, the seeds! So many seeds!

+3 To get increasingly distracted pedestrians to pay attention when crossing the street, the Richmond Ambulance Authority launches an awareness campaign, complete with an original rap song. We can only hope LL "Not Cool" 2 J-Walk's "Mama Said Look Both Ways" will be available to download free on iTunes.

+1 Richmond mothers and children participate in the Big Latch On, joining a national awareness event with a mass breastfeeding in Capitol Square. Or as Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli calls it, porn.

+8 Olympians with Richmond connections help kick off the 2012 Summer Games in London, including Quanitra Hollingsworth, Nina Ligon, Reid Priddy, Shannon Taylor and Kellie Wells. Good luck, athletes! We'll be tuned in while going for the gold in Pizza-Delivery Dialing.

+2 Richmond lawyer and media go-to Steven D. Benjamin becomes president of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. But his swearing-in is called into question when he pleads the Fifth.

-5 After more than two decades as Henrico County manager, Virgil Hazelett announces that he'll retire in January. Hazelett's inconsolable fans beg him for just one more wild night of budget negotiations before he hangs up the calculator.

-4 The board of the Virginia Holocaust Museum makes it final: Co-founder and former executive director Jay Ipson will lose his title and office, though he may continue his involvement in an honorary capacity. Next on the board's agenda: What do we do now?

-6 Citing the uncertainty of lead singer Randy Blythe's release from a Czech Republic prison, metal band Lamb of God cancels its tour with Dethklok, scheduled to begin this week. Sounds like it's time to assemble Gwar Team 6 for a rescue mission.