+1 While trying to get his name on the Virginia ballot, presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich campaigns in Short Pump. A few children mistake him for Santa, until he asks them if they’re ready to work as school janitors.
-4 Former Gov. L. Douglas Wilder goes missing while news emerges that his failed slavery museum project is missing $1.6 million. The news is so upsetting that museum board member Bill Cosby nearly chokes on a pudding pop.
+3 The winter solstice officially begins, marking the longest night of 2011. But the night’s still not as long as that time we shotgunned our stockpile of Four Loko and accidentally freebased a bag of used espresso grounds from Lamplighter.
+6 Amazon.com announces that it’s opening two giant distribution centers in the Richmond area, creating 1,350 jobs. To get there, take Internet 295.
+9 Richmond heads into Christmas weekend with lights aglow and spirits bright. Even Occupy Richmond protestors find foreclosed homes for the holidays.