-9 Hurricane Irene hammers Richmond just a few days after an earthquake rattles the city. Let’s just say the next person to make a stupid joke about locusts gets a plague of fists.
-8 Weakened by the storm, thousands of trees fall across roads, homes and cars. For the first time we love waking up to the sound of chainsaws.
+2 Dominion announces that 90 to 95 percent of its customers will have power restored by the end of Friday. For those of you who never lost power, an important community alert: No one wants to hear about it.
+5 With their power back on, most folks will be able to celebrate the Labor Day weekend the way it was meant to be: passed out on their sofas in front of a working TV.
+3 After closing because of the hurricane, the Chesterfield County Fair is up and running. Screw the racing pigs, you guys — it has ice!
+1 A great horde of VCU students — including some 3,800 freshmen — move into dorms and apartments across town. Which reminds us of an old joke: Why did the VCU student cross the road? To get in my freakin’ way!
+4 Gov. Bob McDonnell announces that Virginia has a surplus of $544.8 million, or approximately $68 per Virginian. So, there’s $68 you’ll never see again.
-1 But really, pulling off a state budget surplus in the midst of such a terrible economy! Can you imagine how proud all those laid-off state workers must be?
+6 The 10th Best Friends Day draws jubilant revelers to a four-day festival featuring bands, outdoor competitions and partying at Hadad’s Lake. As is tradition, the festival is followed by a Facebook-tagging event of stunning proportions.
+7 The Glen Allen Youth Athletic Association kicks off its week as host to the Babe Ruth National World Series, drawing 14-year-old baseball players from across the country to RF&P Park. There are reports of mass juicing, but it turns out to be Capri Sun.
0 And just like that, Gov. Bob McDonnell declares his interest in a vice presidential bid and becomes chairman of the Republican Governors Association. Because hey, why would Virginia possibly need its leader’s undivided attention?
+3 College students roll back to town, filling the city with fresh eyes, youthful spirit and an unspoiled zest for life. We fully support all forms of detachment from reality that will keep them from getting our jobs in four years.
+7 The Richmond Jazz Festival proves it isn’t a one-hit wonder, returning for a second year and luring fans to Maymont. The only snag was Animal Control showing up for all those wailing groovy cats. Dig it.
-4 Organizers of the First Fridays Art Walk announce that the September event is canceled because it falls on Labor Day, and to allow time to deal with growing crowds and unruly youth. We suggest a Jackson Pollock-like splattering of bouncers.
-2 In Powhatan County, a man is arrested on charges related to the discovery of more than 800 marijuana plants. Why don’t we just change Powhatan’s name to Humboldt and start raking in the cash from glaucoma sufferers?
+8 It’s a weekend of connecting with nature, as Richmonders head to Carytown for the Watermelon Festival, Shockoe Bottom for the bird festival and Henricus Historical Park for a mud run. All involved lots of baby wipes.
-4 Despite attempts to deal with masses of teenagers showing up to the First Fridays Art Walk, the event is marred by some rowdy crowds and fighting. Can’t we all just call it post-modern performance art and get along?
-2 A 91-year-old retired pastor is accused of shooting another man in the leg following an altercation. We’re guessing he was more of an Old Testament scholar.
-3 The T-D reports on Fan residents being overwhelmed by trash in alleys following the hordes of Virginia Commonwealth University students moving out. On the upside, those of you looking for patchouli-scented futons were living high on the hog!
+2 Vanity Fair reveals the mystery woman kissing Elvis in a famous photo taken at what’s now Richmond’s Landmark Theater as Barbara Gray, a 75-year-old real estate manager in Charleston, S.C. And thus originates the world’s worst conversation starter: Dude, guess where my grandma’s tongue has been!
+1 The all-male Benedictine High School changes its name to Benedictine College Preparatory. But officials are still working to rebrand the locker-room smell.
-5 The city announces that it’s picked a Denver-based creative company to help sell Richmond’s Department of Economic and Community Development. At first, this reminded us of “Mork and Mindy,” but it turns out that television show was set in Boulder. So we don’t know that much about Denver.
0 But then we looked up Denver on Wikipedia, which tell us it is “a consolidated city-county with a mayor elected on a nonpartisan ballot.” There’s also something about a “Mile-High Club”? Go Broncos!
+4 Mayor Dwight Jones accepts Foreign Direct Investment magazine’s “Best Small American City of the Future” award. Investor tip: Put your cash in Big Talk — that’s a local stock always on the rise.
-6 A Richmond police officer is arraigned on three charges of embezzlement, the department announces. Eyebrows were raised after he kept washing down his doughnuts with a flute of chilled Cristal.