-6 It's “very cold,” Channel 8 meteorologist Matt DiNardo pronounces. We could only read his lips, as our ears had long suffered the ravages of frostbite, turning as blue as Na'vi native, falling off and shattering into frigid pieces along the sandy, rock-salt covered, icy road of misery. Hell has indeed frozen over, and even DiNardo can't save us.
+2 Twin, baton twirler and highly photogenic Victoria Maiden is moved to tears, as pageant winners rightfully must be, upon being crowned the new Miss Chesterfield. If she cannot perform her duties, her twin sister will step in, and no one will ever know.
0 The Times-Dispatch begins its 2010 coverage after laying out its editorial mission to readers for the new year. All are encouraged by the new slogan: “The next level: slightly less boring.”
+2 Leading into Virginia's gubernatorial swearing-in Saturday, Gov.-elect Bob McDonnell crosses the state for a series of events and inaugural balls. New on the tour are specially embossed, empty Gatorade bottles, which everyone must tote along because all the rest stops are closed.
-3 Several local restaurants that feature karaoke are named in a lawsuit by the music manufacturers, the T-D reports, as part of an effort to combat alleged piracy. But we fear nothing will ever erase the pain and suffering inflicted by “My Heart Will Go On.”